Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Väsynyt vihaamaan / Tired of body hatred

 Haluaisin tänään puhua eräästä asiasta, joka on mietityttänyt ja surettanut minua viime aikoina.

Monet isorintaiset naiset kokevat hengenasiakseen tehdä pesäeron heidän ja lihavien välillä. Ymmärrän kyllä, että voi joskus olla turhauttavaa jos ihmiset olettavat isorintaisen naisen tai kurvikkaan naisen olevan lihava.

On kuitenkin tärkeää ymmärtää, että on olemassa hoikkia pienirintaisia naisia, hoikkia isorintaisia naisia, lihavia pienirintaisia naisia ja lihavia isorintaisia naisia. Rintojen koko, muodokkuus ja lihavuus ovat vain eri asioita.

Minua ärsyttää ajatus, jonka mukaan lihavuus olisi vartalotyyppi. Se ei ole! Kaikki lihavat naiset eivät ole omenan muotoisia, vaan heissä on päärynöitä ja muita muotoja siinä missä hoikissakin naisissa.

Ei tehdä hallaa toisillemme puhumalla rumasti muiden naisten vartaloista, jooko? Se lisää vain omaakin itseinhoamme. Olemme kaikki yksilöllisiä ja ansaitsemme painoindeksistämme, muodoistamme ja rinnoistamme riippumatta täyden kunnioituksen itseltämme ja toisiltamme.

In English: I'm really annoyed about one thing and it's making me exhausted.

Reading lingerie blogs and interacting with other women about our body image and bra issues has really helped me a lot with my own issues as well. There's still one thing I see over and over again: some big breasted women feeling the need to separate themselves from women like me. You know what I mean. F A T.

I do believe it's annoying that many people don't know the difference between big breasts and fat. I get that. But being fat does NOT mean you can't have big breasts or a curvy figure. It's just a completely different thing.

Fat or obese is a word that describes your build or body fat percentage. IT IS NOT A BODY SHAPE. There are curvy fat women, pear shaped fat women, triangular shaped fat women. There are also big breasted fat women and small breasted fat women. Full bust, small bust or no bust, it is not dependent on your BMI.

Being a lingerie blogger and identifying myself as a woman with big breasts it really hurts me to see other women talking about these things by playing down other women. I don't want to put the blame on anyone. I'm actually very proud of most of the blogging scene: I love the body acceptant attitude most of you have and the way we talk about our (meaning our own and others') bodies. But I have to say I've seen some conversations that make me feel like we still have a long road ahead of us.

Why is it so hard to see that we come in many shapes and weight categories? This has a lot in common with the "real woman" discussion; you've all seen those "motivational" pictures that announce curvy women to be the real ones and implicate model-like women "not real". We are all real women and it's important to say it out loud.

And hey, one more thing. Fat is not contageous. I'm curvy AND fat. I have a  big bust AND I'm fat. That doesn't make you fat even if you are curvy and/or have big breasts. Don't be scared.


  1. Dead in the black! Although in my opinion I'm not the model type, being an EU40 in most clothes (yup, not the blouses/blazers...), the fact that I've got a small band (32) and big cup (HH) makes some sisters say that I've got implants. Now, I don't have anything against implants, and it annoys me seriously that they're used as a derogatory attribute in a woman, i.e. you're a brainless bimbo.

    Who's got the divine authority to say what a "real woman" should and can look like? Why would someone need to define it? To say that you have to be fat to have big breasts or have to have implants if you have a small band size+big cups just because it's not "possible" or "normal" otherwise, is pointless.

    I understand that some people have real issues with their bodyimage, and often channel their own insecurities into aggression towards either the desired or undesired body types. But as you said: some other person's body type doesn't directly affect yours (despite the recent studies that the unhealthy eating habits of one's friends may affect one and thus contribute to weight gain) and the branding of others to "non-real women" only spreads discontent and bad vibes.

  2. Thanks for a great comment!

    That implant-thing is annoying as well. I don't understand why some people even use it as an insult: so what if you had implants? Does it make you any less of a real woman? No!

    What annoys me with the fat thing that I sometimes feel like I'm not "allowed" to identify as a full bust woman because some think it should be only used when describing slim women. Just because they fear that if fat women were busty, they'd be mixed with fat people, too.

  3. I think that G-cup and up is a big breast, nevermind the band size, since it's always in relation to the person's body size. It's pointless to argue that a 30GG is way smaller than a 40GG, sure, it's that. Let me put it this way: if we were discussing shoe sizes, no-one would have a problem with a woman wearing EU43 shoes identifying herself as "big-foot" :). But if we started to look at her height and then stated that hey, you can't think that you have large feet because you're only 162cm tall, and only people who are taller than 180cm AND wear shoes in +EU42 have _large_ feet, it would sound ridiculous.

    1. I definately agree with you! And love the comparison with the shoe size, it's spot on!

  4. Great post! It's something that annoys me as well. I feel like a lot of effort goes into separating someone's bust size from the rest of their body size or shape because of the fatness being contagious fear. Sure a size 34 vs a 44 will have some different fit challenges, but I think your underbust/bust/waist/hips ratio ie your body shape are commonalities that translate well across sizes.

    1. Thank you for a great comment! I also feel like it's just stupid to waste time with all these "rules" about who's big busted, who's curvy and so on.

      Makes me feel so good that I'm not the only one annoyed about this and seeking for some justice and reasonability.

  5. I've realized that lately, too. Some people seem to think it's imperative to establish that they are thin and not plus-sized. It doesn't matter to me what classification anyone's body falls under. There is beauty in all shapes and sizes.
    This has been on my mind lately because I've gained weight recently. Why should we be afraid of being fat? If I gain weight, I'll still be the same person I was before.
    I'd also like to say that I enjoy reading your blog. I think it's courageous for you to write, when bra blogging seems to be dominated by thin people with small ribcages.

    1. Thanks for your kind comment! I was afraid of blogging for a long time but I've been surprised how well I've been welcomed in the bra blogging community. People don't seem to think of me as the "fat bra blogger" (or they just don't say it in my face :D) but as one bra blogger next to others. I also think that variety is an important thing; it's good to have bloggers of all shapes. :)

  6. I agree, that a lot of people spend a lot of energy on seperating fat and slim big-boobed ladies, when there isn't that big a need for it: In contexts of bras and clothing, we all have issues, there is no reason to say that a fat persons big boobs don't "count" as "actual busty". I think some mistakenly think that fat women don't get unwanted attention for their breasts either, and that may be a difference between fat and slim busty people, which is just not true: Personally, and also from other big boobed fat people, I know that for perves it doesn't matter what kind of body the boobs are on: if they are big, they will grope them. So they really do "count" in all aspects.
    I just made a post about a bad bra-fitting experience, where I also think that the fitters didn't think that I "really" was big-boobed, and rather thought I was just fat (as if the two contradicted eachother), reluctant to even give me a bra 2 band sizes bigger than what I asked, and 4 cup-sizes smaller. A lot of fitters do this, to slim people too, but I do think that the fact that I am clearly very much plus-sized was part of the reason that they didn't want to order bras in my size, or let my try smaller bands.

    I also thin you are spot on that a lot of people treat "plus-size" as a body-shape, which is just not the case. Just yesterday I was reading a magazine that had "jeans for every body": There was jeans for the tall woman (shown on a 5'9" woman), for the athletic woman, for the top-heavy woman, for the bottom-heavy and for the plus-sized. And I thought "what?": Can't plus-sized women be top or bottom-heavy? (or both?) Can't we be tall? And plus-size can be so many different things. If things are made to sit snug at the bust or butt, I need a 54, whereas my friend in these types of item could wear a size 40. If it is made to sit snug at the waist, and loose everywhere else, I can wear a size 44, and my friend must size up to a 48. How on earth are we suppose to follow the same jeans-advice?

    There aren't that many plus-sized bra-bloggers out there, so I am very pleased that you are here. I only know of you and Georgina. Do you know more? I am somewhere between the 2 of you, I think.